What can I get my Valentine? How can I show them that I love them? Is the flower shop still open?
Love. Amour. Amore. Liebe. Whatever you like to call it, February 14th is the day for you to show your true affections to the one you love in the sappiest way possible without being laughed at by the public. But if you’re looking to try something new and are looking for a more traditional romantic evening, then look no further. The O Word have put together a list of the 15 best love tips you can learn from Opera…
1. It doesn’t matter what your age is, giving your girl a rose is timeless. White, rose, crystal… Whichever. She’ll die of happiness and love you forever.
2. Jumping out of the window to escape a jealous lover is a good route out. Just make sure no-one sees you (Leave no traces!) This is a comedy… No-one wants you to die.
3. Eloping isn’t always a good idea. Especially if you have to travel through the forest… Overrun by fairies…. and you’re being followed by your ex-lover... And there are actors nearby.
4. On that note… Don’t date actors. Or clowns. As pretty as the arias might be, they’re more messy than you might think. You may die.
5. A word of caution for all the womanizers/cheating men out there: You don’t know what connections your girl has. It might be the mafia, it might be an over protective brother. Or you might just find yourself being taken to hell by a stone statue. You may die… Just saying.
6. Ladies, ladies, ladies: falling in love with a married man is never a good idea. It just leads to trouble. Get to know a man before you marry him, have his child, get abandoned, watch him return with his real wife and wonder what you did wrong. You may die.
7. It’s never a good idea to go snooping around your hubby’s house. You don’t know what you’re going to find. Magazines, DVDs, dead wives. You’re just looking for trouble. Save yourself or you may die.
8. No matter how tempting, don’t make deals with the devil to become young again and seduce women. It’s not going to end well for you or the girl. I hate to say it but you may die. Or she might.
9. If a girl invites you to join a group with her, do your research. Don’t just get jealous because she’s not the girl you thought she was. Don’t be the jealous man. Don’t kill her. SHE MAY DIE.
10. If you’re told by the god of the underworld that if you turn around, the love of your life will be lost forever: DON’T. TURN. AROUND…. Idiot. She may die.
11. You’d probably save yourself a lot of trouble and pain if you DON’T fall in love with the prostitute dying from consumption… Just saying. SPOILERS: She’ll probably die.
12.Letting your suicidal boyfriend borrow your husband’s guns is probably not the best decision… (It might spoil your year). More spoilers: He might die.
13. No matter your girlfriend’s powers, try to avoid hanging around jealous giants with rocks. You’ll possibly die.
14. In the odd chance you lose your love (possibly by death), don’t be getting all dramatic and building yourself a funeral pyre. You may… possibly die.
15. Okay… So maybe opera isn’t the best place to be taking love tips. It’s a bit messy, people die a lot, and there are women dressed as men dressed as women seducing women and confusing men and getting into threesomes…. Wait, what?!
Whilst these tips may NOT be the best option to show your affection, we do know that playing opera to your loved one can be a romantic experience. So put on Puccini, pour a glass of wine, get out your crystal rose… and Happy Valentines Day!
Written by Katherine Goyder